The 3A Advertiser

While in Third Form Karl Chamberlain, writing under the nom de plume Karlos Chilblaine, produced a regular satirical commentary on life at high school. It is no surprise that he went on to a career with The Canberra Times. Here are some excerpts, with text reproduced as it appeared.

No. 3 in our series of 3A personalities

Shiny Chambers, eminent actress is pictured in her role as Emily in ‘Our Dump’.   Shiny comes from America, and is notorious for romantic inclinations.

This is No. 4 in our series of 3A clods

Pierre Custard, a masculine he-man of the spectacled type. He is known for quick-changing love, and is seen receiving notes from Harriet Tusker in History and has been unable to resist Shiny Chambers (q.v.) to the extent of kissing in public.

PLAY CRITICISMS

‘The Iliad of Brendon Jones’ is the tragedy of a little red-haired boy who is run over first by a dog, then by a car, which also kills his dog. He tracks from Heaven to Curgatory, helped or hindered by old crackpots and young ‘harpies’ even by Mother Nature and her beautiful daughter. Finally he finds his pet again being tortured by a committee, and the curtain falls to the amusement of the audience.

‘Unhand Me Sqire’ is the tragical, lyrical, poetic story of the life of a poor man, his wife and his beautiful daughter, involving a wicked country squire who eventually kidnaps the girl in his fir-engine. It was well produced and the actors were fittingly chosen.

‘The yellow Nut’ is an old classic. It embodies two love stories, one detective story and one picture of everyday life. The plot was exceedingly boring but the dialogue was bright. Robert Salami was a trifle over-acting the part, but when the curtain fell it was obvious that he couldn’t help it.

‘The Robot’ was produced by Mrs. Walled-up. It was an unduly fine play for the actors, and the actors needed far too much prompting to get promptness. Besides, the characters were badly cast, with a young neice taller than her older uncle. Besides, it was too serious for a farce.

LETTERS FROM THE EDITOR
This is because I have received no letters to the Editor.

Dear Class 3A,
Your reception for my last paper was shocking. The only person who said that ‘Not Quite MAD’ was good goes under the name of Karlos Chilblaine. Does it mean you no longer respect him? Think him sensible? If your reaction continues I shall amalgamate with ‘(CPC)’ and I hope you realize how much their standard would drop and interpret this threat not as a joke but as a threat.
–––––Ed.

Dear Teachers,
If you captured this paper, which parts would you read out to the class?
–––––Ed.

WEATHER FORECAST FOR ALL DAYS UP TO NEXT ISSUE:
Dry warm and sunny during lessons, pouring at recess, lunch, P.E., and sport, miserable at weekend.

The following titles have been scanned from the original papers and converted to PDF format. You can view these files online or download them and read or print them offline.

Editor addicted to used licorish
Boyle jilts Harris!
Eggins turns nasty
Letters to the Editor / Alfie Jagt Karlos (German)

PDF files require Adobe Acrobat Reader to view them. If you do not have this software you may freely download it by clicking on the icon link to the left.

A little Scotch goes a good bit fuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrtheeeeerrrrrr than a little Bear.
This paper is a mess. That is probably what you wanted to say, so I’ve saved your breath.